Not Your Average Guy

Friday was my last day of work. At exactly 5:30pm yesterday, I checked out with my supervisor and made my way to a coworker’s place to clean up and get ready for the staff party and gift exchange, the tame party where no alcohol was available. The party was better than I expected. I felt out of place because everyone looked like they spent time on their image and appearance, unlike everyday the past 9 weeks were everyone wore the same yellow camp staff shirt. I felt like camp never happened. The gifts that were exchanged were rather funny. And, the sideshow was sad, full of wonderful camp memories, and some great action shots.

Afterwards, we all proceeded to the parking lot where 29 people were shuttled to a hotel. With ninja like stealth, we used the stairway and the elevator to transport ourselves, 5 handles of vodka, a total of 150 cans and bottles of beer, and 4 12-packs of soda. Sounds like a party, eh? Within an hour of arrival to the room alcohol was being poured, people began to run to the pool, others started to stumble, weed was being smoked off the balcony, and some people began to couple together and make-out. Can you guess who was one of those lucky few sho coupled?…If you are thinking ‘Me’ then you are correct, but I’ll get to that later.

We arrived at the hotel and began drinking at around 10pm. At 12:30am, hotel security showed up, with backup, and kicked all 29 asses out of the hotel for ‘disturbing the peace.’ With in ten minutes, a new venue was determined and the party was moved to a coworker’s apartment, where people continued to drink until they passed out on the floor.

Onto my story…

At one point during the evening in the hotel, I had enough alcohol and a large enough buzz to drop all inhibition. Like a professional man’s man, I walked up to the usual make-out buddy, pulled his face to mine, and gave him a kiss. It did not take long for the two of us to jump onto the bed and start making out in front of all our coworkers who were present. Soon after, two more couples jumped on the bed with us, and random people would venture over to take pictures and comment on how great we all looked. I believe a few people called us all the cutest couples on staff. We were quite disappointed when we got the news that we had to leave the room because security was breaking up the party.

Me and my guy decided to follow the party and spend some more time drinking. After half an hour, the two of us were becoming too horny to sit down and decided to move to a more comfortable place… His house. So, we walked to the car and drove to his place.

We walked quietly into his house to prevent waking up his family, stepped into his room, jumped onto the bed, and…dot…dot…dot… (see title for explaination)… and yes, clothes did come off.

… all of them!!

Turns out, this entire summer, we had both been wondering when the other person was going to make a move to push things to a different level. It’s a shame we had to wait until the summer was over and we were both going our separate ways. There is a possibility we will see each other again next summer…

What do you get when you mix 20 people who have known each other for 8 weeks, a humongous hotel suite, $300 worth of hard liquor, a mountain of beer, and pent up stress…??

Stay tuned… I’ll post more on the biggest staff party of the summer after I regain consciousness.

I have decided that my trip back to Texas from the amazing state of California is going to be a fun one. For example, I am going to plan my hotel stays according to the location of the best bars. I plan on drinking enough to take some random single back to my hotel… for more drinks and television watching (get your mind out of the gutter), but not too much that I will wake up with a hangover. Driving another 12 hours would suck with a hangover.

I am not sure how many readers I get. I know I have at least… five people who read my blog.

On August 20th, I will be travelling from California to the Greatest State of the Union, Texas (That is a giant FALSE, btw… I’m being sarcastic). Anyway, I will be in the road for three days. Then, I will be spending another three days moving into my dorm room and registering for classes. What fun!!

So, if ya feel like spreading Your Word to an extremely small percentage of the entire world population, shoot me an email at mail@notyouraverageguy.com.

I’ll post anything that anyone writes. That’s how great of a guy I am.

Every small city has them. They can not be found in the city, except on the weekends when they decide to leave town for one night to celebrate the $25 bonus they received on their paycheck from the pizza shop on Main Street. They feed off of community activities, but never contribute their own time or effort. They spend their entire life between high school graduation and thirty-five years old hanging out at the common bar or on the street corner during the annual town fair.

You know exactly what I am talking about… the lifers. The people who were born in a small town, raised in the same small town, attended the best schools in the same small town and barely graduated from the best high school in the same small town.

I have been in college for the past four years. Every time I come home I see the same people, at the same bar, at the same exact time, every night. These are the same people who worked at the pizza shop while in high school. Four years after high school graduation, they still work at the same pizza shop.

Now, these people do not bother me. Actually, they keep me entertained. If at any time my buddies leave town for the weekend or leave on a family vacation, I can take a stroll to the bar down the street and catch up with one of the lifers that I talked to last Christmas.

Friday is the one day of the week that I always look forward to, for several reasons:

1. I do not have to wake up the next morning and meet the needs of bratty kid
2. The weekend begins
3. Always, someone on staff has a house party
4. I have the opportunity to get shitfaced and sleep in Saturday morning
5. Did I mention no bratty kids?

Not only is Friday the beginning of the weekend, but Friday is also the day when people say things that they do not mean to say, out of lack of sleep and four days of pent up stress and frustration.

So yesterday I was sitting down and eating lunch with two of my coworkers and the topic of camp staff reputations comes up. We mentioned who is the laziest, most obnoxious, most annoying, most good-looking, most… You get the picture. The, out of nowhere, one of my coworkers asked me

“So, what do you think of your camp reputation?”

“I didn’t think I had any sort of reputation,” I said.

“Yeah, Erik, you have a reputation of being the camp staff manwhore.”

“What the fuck, who said that?”

I am told that my reputation of being a manwhore They actually used the word slut, but that word sounds too feminine for me. Apparently, when the other staff talk about me, the topic of the conversation is about how many people I kissed at the last house party and how far I am willing to go in order to get myself laid. Which, I admit I do enjoy making out with anyone. But, I am not easy… Maybe just a little.

I am not making a big deal out of this. I am taking my title of the ‘Camp staff manwhore’ and owning it. I did last night at least. Remember the Fourth of July? I made out with the same coworker. Only this time, the clothes came off and things were got pretty steamy… Get your mind out of the gutter people!… We made out in the hot tub. We were both pretty shitfaced. I didn’t even realize he was in the hot tub until I turned to put my drink down and he happened to look my direction at the same time. Our eyes locked, lips met, and within minutes there was a fat orgy in the tub. People started to couple up and makeout. Eventually, it was just the two of us in the tub for some time. The morning after was not awkward like the last time. This time it was more like “Hey, we are both awake, but I want to spoon some more.”

My life has been pretty uneventful the past week. Not much partying going on. I am tired of bratty kids refusing to listen to my instruction and respecting my authority, and at the same time expecting me to give them the individual attention they crave and continue to wpoil them like their parents. Everyday I come home I feel like cursing. I feel like taking shots of tequila just so I can get to sleep at night, peacefully. Goddamn  kids… I am sort of relieved that the whole homosexual thing prevents me from getting any one pregnant. I can choose when and who to have my child. I realized I am not ready to have any kids. I do not have the patience for children.

On to other topics. I watched Pineapple Express last night with a few coworkers. Actually, more like 15. Yeah… We roll deep! The movie was awesome. I would say, best comedy film of the summer. Basically, if you enjoy smoking marijuana and have ever day dreamed about being caught in the middle of a drug war on crack, you will want to see this movie.

The weekend is near and I am ready to relax and not think about the kids I have to see for one more week. I can not wait for next week to end. Those kids should be glad too.

On occasion, I like to waste time on Yahoo! Answers. I usually like to read the stupid and moronic questions people ask and reply with a smart-ass remark. This evening, I thought I would take a look at the question in the engineering category, since my studies are in engineering. I came across the following question.

What is a mechanical engineer

Since I still do not know what exactly I can get into when I graduate college, I decided to read the discussion. The best answer I found was

It’s a guy whose job is to take advantage of the energy available and transform it into work depending on the problem he needs to solve. This is a really wide engineering because it has to do with designing cars, airplanes, robots, maintenance of machinery, refrigeration, electricity generation, heatin and air conditioning, and many many more stuff.

I found this to be insightful and very descriptive. The answer makes sense. After all, I deal with these types on problems on a daily basis in my courses.

So, I scrolled down the page some more and came across another question that caused me to become defensive. I literally cursed out my computer… and Yahoo! Answers.

An over paid egotistical dullard who couldn’t hack it in chemistry…aka…a piece of paper on the wall.(degree)

First of all… “Fuck you!” Whoever wrote this reply. I managed to pass chemistry, both high school and university, with an A. And, I slept and cut class all the time.

Apparently this fuck-nut was only able to barely get though chemistry before switching majors from engineering to business administration…

• Every sentence is preceded by the phrase “Your mom…”
• “That’s what she said” Can be a response to anything. (The chest is cold… That’s what she said.”)
• Talking about boners is an appropriate conversation topic at 6:30 in the morning.
• A submarine is long, hard, and full of seamen.
• Nothing is gay as long as a majority of the group is in agreement.

I spent last night camping under the stars, supervising a group of junior high boys. I never thought I would have to experience junior high again. The conversations that I had with my group of guy friends at overnights when I was in junor high came back to haunt me: the jokes, the stories, the crushes, and the inappropriate behavior. Instead of drawing the line, I just sat back and laughed. The other counselor who was present sat back and laughed as well. I guess us guys never grow up.

… Otherwise, how would she have become so famous.

Last year I spent my summer working in Texas. On the weekends and my time off, I would drive to Dallas and chill at a family friend’s house. While there, I am often left alone with the kids while the parents are out running errands they would not otherwise run because they do not want to haul around seven kids. Yes! Seven! That number is now eight! Anyway… one day, the boys came up to me and asked if I ever watch the television show called Avatar that is aired on Nickelodeon. After watching four episode, I became hooked.

Now to the present.

About three weeks ago, I embarked on an adventure that would take me across a fantasy world where fire, water, air, and earth were not elements, but rather nationalities. I began with the very first episode, and just finished the last episode of the third season. Actually, I believe it is the last episode… EVER!

So now, I am sad that I no longer have a cartoon television show to watch. AVATAR! I shall miss you… At least I can watch reruns when I get bored.